So... like I guess I'm just stressed out lately.... Lots of things are happening and they're happening fast.... So I guess it's normal to have doubts and concerns and it's hard when specific people don't tell you what they're thinking or how they're really feeling. They're always just so worried about me, how am I doing? Am I okay? Am I stable? What's on my mind? How was my day?
Then even though I swear I tell them pretty much everything, they complain that I don't tell them anything because I keep a few things to myself. Just a few things.... Is that so bad to hide a few things so people don't get hurt? So that we don't argue over something I don't think is important or can cause any kinda harm? I'm not stupid, I show respect, if I see a threat I stop it.
And now I'm all stressed out at growing up way to fast... I'm looking for apartments, pricing furniture among other things, trying to calculate a shit ton of money issues like bills food and it's not like I see them doing that! Not like they ever tell me that they were thinking about it and had an idea, or a thought. No they just state "Why are you looking if you don't even have a job in the area yet and you don't plan on moving in till the beginning of next year?" Why?! Because I like knowing what's out there! I like knowing what I should be looking for! Not like they have to worry about it i'm doing enough worrying for the both of us but still! just a little support or some kinda thank you for taking the time to make lists of things we're gonna need, looking around, THINKING about everything... Would be nice..
And then there's that whole "Lets just post everything on the fucking internet" Kinda attitude! Like Legit?! Not saying that I'm not doing the same thing but there's a difference, Most of you don't know me in real life, I defiantly haven't dated any of you and I really don't give to shits if what you think of me. Fucking recreating a damn twitter so they can vent! Why can't you vent to me? I'm here for you! I'm always waiting.... It's so frustrating to go and be my curious self and see what they post and realize it's a response to an ex! to a fucking ex! It's like dude, I understand you still care for her but why can't you just keep her in the past, that's where you want her to be! that's what you post before you respond and shit..... everything that is happening now freaking you out and you want something that doesn't involve that much responsibility? I don't know.... But it's not your responsibility to take care of her... I don't like you thinking about her I don't like seeing her but guess what I have to! she's my family! and curiousity just kills me in so many ways.... I just wanna get rid of everything. I dont want internet, i don't want a way to check and see what your posting. IT KILLS ME! and I know that's totally just a jealous girlfriend thing, or maybe it's just a threatened girlfriend.... after all... She was one of your longest relationships... She came before me... She would take you back in a heartbeat.....
You told me you didn't want me talking to any of my exs. To have any kinda contact with them because I have cheated once before. But you trust me not to, you know I love you and you know I wouldn't. But some people still make you feel threatened because of the history I have with them. None of them were worth losing you... so I left them all in the dust... I don't want to ask you to stop following her I dont want to ask you never look her up... I don't want to... I just want her out of our life... I don't want you guys to have weird cryptic tweets that are about each other without stating it.... Why do you do that with her??..... Why can't you do that with me... that's what I told you I enjoy, I enjoy that awkwardly sending sweet texts to my boyfriend letting him know I miss him, he's awesome and stuff.... But you can't do that back to me... I just... I don't understand... I just don't....